Let's Get Brainwashed.

My previous job had 4,000 employees nationwide. My new job has 600 employees--globally. So it's been interesting being part of a smaller group of workers. You get surprising things like a personalized holiday card from the CFO addressed to you and your spouse! The card had a photo of his family and his home address. I was quite frightened to receive this. It felt like an invasion of privacy, especially since it was addressed to both my spouse and me. And the photo of his family - it seems like an odd thing to share with us. Probably not to those at a smaller company. They see their employees as part of the family.


-- Mobile dispatch

Accountant maintains the interest receivable roll-forward
which is set up to accrue
for interest/dividend income
based on the interest rate
for investments

with simple or non-complex interest payments
based on the information obtained
through Con-5

(review of purchase documentation
(trade ticket)
for correct data/terms are performed
by portfolio manager
in Investment department
and reviewed
by Accounting department)
(Con-10).

Labels: poem

from ending, and 2010 is about to begin. It was a big year for me, switching jobs after almost 9 years at another company. I had to be the new guy all over, and I was not comfortable not having all the answers. At my last job, over the years I learned a lot, so I was the "go to" person for so many things, and while it was frustrating to have to deal with so many problems and have to wear so many hats, I had a lot of confidence. Here, it dropped to nearly zero. I slouched back and let things take their course, and just tried to observe and understand how things work here. I think overall that was a good tactic, because others in my group just showed up and sometimes acted like they were here to clean up a mess, so that got a negative reaction from the rest of the company. But then they showed results, so there's a happy middle ground at the moment.

One of the big disappointments for me was that I was supposed to work on many projects. They wanted me to start up some kind of employee communications - either as an e-mail newsletter, or internal website, or mini magazine. They also wanted me to put together a kind of Company 101 curriculum, so that new people could learn about the company and how things work. Also, an organization chart of the company. All of these made sense to be a part of my job since I was gathering this kind of information anyway.

All of these projects were dropped or absorbed into someone else's project.

I felt like I was part of something new at first, and then one by one these projects were dropped so that I only had one thing to work on: my main job. Not having extra things to do made my work boring. In addition, I was not driving my own work. I was totally dependent on others asking for me to step in at the end of their projects and do my part. So it was frustrating to not know what was coming up, and having to react to situations instead of driving my own. (In brainwash speak, it means that I was more tactical instead of strategic, or more ground level instead of mapping a road.)

I have expressed this frustration several times, of course in veiled corporate speak, and I think I am finally getting them to listen. My first couple of requests to have something more, something that I am directing, were ignored. But recently, in the last 6 weeks, things have worked out. I have been given some projects where I was able to demonstrate my abilities, and they noticed. I am hoping this will change in 2010 even more.

Normally, I meet with someone and they tell me all about what they do - the steps for a process - and I write it down, organize it, make it look nice, and make it easy for someone to follow. Less common is when someone has already written something down and they give it me for review.

Someone sent over what they had written last week. It wasn't bad, but like most non-writers, it's written as if the reader is already familiar with many things, and misses a lot of steps or doesn't organize them logically. For many, their job is a kind of cloud, where all these activities happen, and not sequentially. So I try to bring order, and say, "Hey, I know this is kind of like a big circle to you, but if we organized it like this: 1, do this, 2, do that, 3, finish this - wouldn't that be helpful for someone new?"

So when I took this person's pre-written procedure and revamped it, he liked it a lot. In some instances, when people see their procedure written, they try to complicate it. "Yeah, I guess that's correct, but sometimes this happens, or sometimes that..." I wonder if people unconsciously make something complicated, or maybe I'm imposing a simplified structure to something. It's hard to tell. But this recent project was a success, and the guy was very happen with the questions I had, and the way it was rewritten.

Labels: balance

It's hard for me to see things like this and not correct it.


-- Mobile dispatch

-- Mobile dispatch

I recently bought a new pair of shoes for work. They are shiny black oxfords. I am somewhat particular (or some would say "picky") about my shoes, so it has taken me about 3 years to buy a new pair. I can't seem to find a good balance: a shoe that is comfortable, has 3 eyelets, not too pointy and not too square tip, and not over $150. Many times I gave up, and then months later, if I was out, would glance at some shoes, and found nothing. Out of desperation, I bought the pair I have on now about six weeks ago. It's because my old pair is falling apart, and it actually looks bad to be wearing such scuffed up, fading shoes in my office environment. It looks like I have shoes from a thrift store paired with a snappy suit. So I bought a pair of oxfords, a type of shoe I wasn't really into until now. I really like them, but they hurt my feet. I thought the pain would go away, but after a week, the back of my right foot became so sore I stopped wearing them. Then my other shoes hurt my feet too, which made me think I seriously injured my foot. I had the shoes stretched, and that didn't seem to help. Then I bought a pair of cedar shoe stretchers that I left in the shoes for 2 days and got a shoe horn to make putting them on easier. Anyway, I finally wore the shoes again yesterday, after a month off, and they seemed fine at first. By the end of the day, though, my right foot was sore again. I have them on again today, and it's morning, and I'm already uncomfortable. I think I may have bought shoes that are too small. But if it took this long to find these ones, what will I do now - take another 3 years? (By the way, the ones are bought were on sale because they aren't making them anymore.) I know I'm making this more complicated than needed. I really need to shut it and just pay more for a better shoe. It just seems there is a huge gap because the $150 shoes and the next level up starts closer to $500. In between are crappy shoes, or rare finds that I don't have the patience to seek out. So yes, the dilemma feels like my own doing, but I am still optimistic I can find what I'm looking for.

There have been a lot of engagement parties and baby showers in the office this year - I think over 15 babies, and at least 6 weddings that I can remember. What this means is that all of us are invited to one floor of the building to hear a little about the upcoming event (for weddings, the employee's girlfriend/boyfriend shows up and they talk about how they first met; for babies they talk about name choices). The way we find out about these gatherings is by a company-wide e-mail. All of these e-mails end with the note "This is not a surprise." It's so funny to read a message: Join us next Wednesday to celebrate....blah blah...cupcakes and cookies will be provided. This is not a surprise."

It's useful information, because at my previous job, people were never sure and would ask if it was a surprise or not. But the message is a kind of curve ball to end a flowing, elegantly formatted e-mail. The text is usually in some kind of script like handwriting, and there's a nice graphic selected for the occasion (sometimes they use photos of the couple).

Just another strange thing that happens at companies. But, that's no surprise to you, right dear readers?

Not counting my part time jobs in high school and college, I joined the real workforce as a college graduate in 2000. Since there have been a lot of top 10 lists popping up on every topic for the last decade, I thought I'd put together a list for this blog: The Top 10 Brainwashing Moments of the 00s. Of course, this is a random list from my own experience. I am sure people have plenty of their own interesting stories. Here they are, in no real order:

1. Performance reviews
An annual review on my work performance was such a weird thing 10 years ago, and still is now. My previous job actually moved to quarterly reviews, which was a little excessive. The ambition is to try and gauge how well you worked and find places to improve, and places for you to grow. I've always had positive reviews, so I feel lucky. But so many of them were abstract and slightly uncomfortable conversations. I say uncomfortable because it's odd to have someone tell you how great you are at certain things, and then they throw in a seemingly random item for you to work on.

2 Brand training
If I were to rank these moments, this might be at the top of the list. My previous employer sponsored a two (or maybe it was three) day training session to understand their new-found brand message. At the end of the session, we had to write something on a piece of paper that we were "leaving behind," a kind of psychological issue that we were going to fix, then stand in front of the group, read it out loud, and throw the paper in a bin. It totally felt like we were a cult and giving ourselves over to our leaders. People said things like, "I will strive to be less mean to my customers," then toss their paper in the bin. I'm surprised the bin wasn't a cauldron. I can't remember what I said, but when I stood up there, I almost bolted. It was so frightening to stand up there, and it just felt so...wrong. Ugh. I said something generic to survive, but the memory of this event still haunts me.

3 Harassment training
Each year, I've had to take online courses in s-- harassment. I understand the need for it, but many times I felt the training was ridiculous, and not realistic at all. Instead of training to notice more subtle things, it had obvious, somewhat disturbing examples. The last one I took had something about a picture of a woman's face on a naked pregnant lady, posted above the copier. Isn't that a little much?

4 Announcements of changes to staff
Not tied to a specific event, any time there was a corporate announcement of bad news, they always made it sound slightly good. They spoke in major abstractions, often used the passive voice, and buried the point of the message within a long intro and positive conclusion that you didn't really know what just happened. Did they just say that this manager was moved off a project? Did they just say there's a hiring freeze? Did they just say that the bonuses will be smaller next year? It's a standard brainwashing tool that people have come to expect.

5 Japan trip
One year ago, I went to Japan to be a brainwashing trainer! I had been trained in problem solving, and was asked to assist in training an international group of employees. It was actually a really good experience. The people were friendly, and didn't take the training too seriously. Of course, what sounds good in theory doesn't always work out in practice, and seeing the others struggle with applying what we taught them made me realize how this 8-step program couldn't solve the worlds problems.

6 Certified training
Another top moment: I had to go to training for 5 months. Once a month, I was out of the office for a week to learn about statistics, problem solving, project managing, mistake proofing, and lots of other concepts that almost made my brain burst. What made it tolerable were the happy hours and my occasional visits to a nearby college campus to play piano. By the third month, I really really wanted to quit this corporate life and just hitchhike home. It was hard to make it through all of this training, but once again, I survived, and yeah, I learned a couple of things.

7 Newsletter writing
I was asked to write articles for a monthly newsletter. It was to help the department cope with the upcoming changes. My basic structure was: today you do it like this, and it's so difficult and time consuming! Tomorrow you'll do this, and it will be easy! I wrote articles for over a year, and then when the big change happened, I felt like I betrayed everyone. Everything now took three times as long, and there were so many problems that expected. I felt like a member of the brainwashers at this point. I had been telling them stuff to make them feel better, and I was wrong. I felt bad about this.

8 Presentation training
This event could fight to be the top moment of the decade. At the last minute, I was requested by the head of my department to take his place in a training class on presentations. They had already paid for his attendance, so rather than waste the money, they thought I could take his place. The others in the class were salespeople. The instructor sensed that I was a little shy, but on the brink of presentation greatness, so he picked on me. A LOT. At one point he called me up in front of the class and had me do so many things - I felt humiliated and degraded. He had me beat up a chair with a roll of paper, he had me yell at the other people in the class, he had me jumping up and down, saying the stupidest things. I almost cried. I felt like I was being hazed. And the best part was that all of this was videotaped. I still have the tape, but I have never watched it. I can't do it. After this, people in the class came up to me, because I was obviously shaken, and said that I did a good job, and then some of them talked to the instructor. He came by and apologized. I know it sounds kinda silly (he had be beating up a chair with a roll of paper - ha!), but in the moment I felt horrible. I even thought of complaining about him, because he obviously didn't know when to stop pushing, and basically pushed me over the edge. I wish I had turned on him and beat him up with the paper. You don't think of those things until later. There may have been more to this, but my mind has blocked it out. Ha - I've been brainwashed, so don't remember it other than how traumatic it was.

9 Project Coach
I was asked to coach several project teams. I ended up with some really sensitive folks, and there seemed to be a history with a few of them. Individually, they each would come to me and complain about the others. It was so frustrating to hear all their complaints, then see them fight when working together. I had to pull some corporate talk out to get them on track. I said things about teamwork, and the greater good. I can't believe I talked like that. Blah, it still has a bad taste in mouth.

10 Job applications & interviews
I tried to move away from my field and get a job that was more creative. Since I didn't have the direct experience, only "transferrable skills," I tried to sell myself in my cover letter. Oh, the brainwashing language I used in those letters. I tried to mix informal, fun language with professional. I don't think it worked. I did land a few interviews, but once it became apparent I didn't have the work experience they were looking for, they didn't listen. But see! The talk worked, to an extent. Of course when I try for a job in my field, I get it. So that's how after 8 years, I ended up in my new job.

I received a list of bank contacts, and on the list is a section called E-mail Village. I had never heard this term before. It lists what kinds of issues you can send to the e-mail address. If your question doesn't fall into that list, you should not e-mail the village.

For example:
Bank ABC has an e-mail village for questions about payments, reports, and deposits. If you have a question about your savings, don't use this e-mail village! They don't respond to questions about your savings account. You have to use another e-mail village.

Has anyone written a dictionary of corporate-speak?

As of today, we get to dress in business casual attire for the next 2 weeks. this is always exciting news. I like the way ties look, but by the end of the day, they aren't the most comfortable thing to have wrapped around one's neck.

Today it was announced that a new project was starting up, so several people would be assigned to it temporarily. This means current projects can either slow down or be placed on hold. I am inquiring if there's any way I can help out on this slowed-down projects. I hope so - there's a slight disconnect between managers, who will think this is a great idea (he volunteers for more work!), and the project managers, who don't like to hand off tasks to others (it will take took long to get him up to speed on what's left to do). Last time I asked about helping out, I didn't get much of an assignment. We'll see.

Labels: projects

I've been asked to write a new set of procedures. This is because several people in different departments currently do this activity, but in the future only one person will do this. So I need to interview everyone who does this today, write up their procedures, and somehow consolidate them into one long process that one person could follow. At the end of this conversation, the manager requesting this added, "These need to be very detailed. People get fired for doing this wrong."

What if someone is doing their procedure wrong and I write down the incorrect way? Yikes! Next thing I'll hear, "Well, the procedure said so! It's not my fault," as they approach my desk and demand an explanation. Luckily many people will read and review what I write.

Labels: procedures

Today was really boring. I had several meetings planned, and they were all canceled by the other parties. This happens almost every day. It seems to take weeks, sometimes 6 weeks, to meet with someone. And the meeting usually lasts 15-30 minutes. Everyone is so busy here except for me. I have to wait for them, and then they cancel the meeting, so I reschedule the next day, or the day after, or week after, and then it is canceled again. It's frustrating. So in the meantime I try to keep busy.

Labels: boredom, priorities

I was told my bonus and raise today. In my previous job, I was given a sheet of paper with the details of all this. It said the percentage of salary increase, and the breakdown of the bonus (how much was for individual performance and how much was for company performance). Here, I was told orally the dollar amounts. And that's it. It was so odd. I was very thankful, but just felt weird about the whole thing. I really don't deserve to be making this much money. It's a bit ridiculous to get paid for the little amount of work I do. I'm actually embarrassed to write this because I feel like I don't work hard enough like others do, and they don't get paid very much. And here I am complaining about how boring my job is. At least I have a job, and at least I make decent money.

I can only imagine what the others got in the office, the ones who actually did some significant things.

Labels: bonus, new job, secrets

I had an odd lunch break today.

First, I went over to the music school's cafe for lunch. I knew they were serving Mediterreanan food today, a new thing for their cafe. As I waited to order, two people nearby started asking me questions. I think one was the chef and one was the cafe manager. They started explaining things to me, and when I ordered, they instructed the servers on how to prepare my food. "No no!" the chef shouted. "The tahini goes on top." And then he turned to me and asked: "You like spicy?" I said not really, so then the manager shouted to the server: "Only give him a little bit of the red sauce!" By the time my food was handed to me, the server looked so annoyed and defeated. I was embarrassed for him. I ate the food, which was not bad, but the red sauce seemed to gradually bother my stomach more and more.

I then went to the library, and as I was on the second flight of stairs I could hear a choir singing. In the middle of the second floor was a giant Christmas tree, a choir of high school students was singing. It was incredibly beautiful singing. The area they were in had huge ceilings, and so their voices sounded thick and echo-ey, and when they sang Silent Night I almost cried. Their voices were so beautiful, and the softness and the echoes were fantastic. There was a small crowd of us listening.

I then went up to the literature floor and read a chapter from a book I like to look at on Heinrich von Kleist. He's an author I've been obsessed with on and off for year. My stomach was very upset by this point, so I left.

I went over to the B-- Hotel, where I needed a bathroom break. (I hope this is not too much detail, so just know that I will not be eating that lunch again any time soon.) The ballrooms were all opened up and there was a single piano tucked next to the entrance for the restrooms. Some man was playing Imagine by John Lennon. It was so strange. Then he started playing Canon in D. I felt like music was everywhere I went today.

Now someone's cell phone is ringing in the office, and her ringtone is set to Debussy's Arabesque (his first one).

-- Mobile dispatch

I got a nice haircut over the weekend. It's nice to get compliments today.


-- Mobile dispatch

Lots of rain today. This is a good thing. Except when one is wearing a wool suit. Even with an umbrella, my shoes and legs are soaked. Maybe I need a bigger umbrella.


-- Mobile dispatch

Today I had my annual performance review. It was unexpected. I was scheduled to have my weekly meeting with my manager to talk about what I'm working on, and instead he said we were going to have my review. I was a little scared at first, because honestly I have not worked to my full potential. I thought maybe now was the time they would announce that they've been following my computer, and all my visits to websites (why did you look this up on Wikipedia? And why did you go to the New Yorker five times today?) and all the typing I did (we noticed you wrote over 50,00 words in a document. Are you writing a novel?) were now the reasons why I would be fired.

But of course that didn't happen. Instead, we went over some definitions my manager had created (or so he said): Superior, Above Average, Satisfactory, Needs Improvement, and Unsatisfactory. He defined the first three for me, and said he didn't need to go any further, since they didn't apply to me. So then I knew to relax.

I was rated on exciting things like Productivity, Accuracy & Quality of Work, Problem Solving, Attitude, Acceptance of Responsibility, Communication - Verbal (note on the word "verbal" later), Communication - Written, and Technical Knowledge.

The results?
One Satisfactory (Technical Knowledge). This is because I am new to the industry and have more to learn. But, my manager was quick to point out that this is a fine rating, and I shouldn't worry about it at all.
Five Above Averages.
Two Superiors (Attitude and Communications - Written).

We talked a little bit about the future, and he asked how the year was for me. I was general and said things were fine, but my biggest challenge (I didn't use the word frustration - remember to use "challenge" if you want to speak corporately correct) was that I was very reactive and completely dependent on other people's project. If I had my own projects, if I was driving them, I'd feel better. I mentioned how things were often delayed, and I had to scramble to find things to keep me busy. So we're going to discuss this further, and see what can be done. He would like me to do more project management, but needs permission from the project management department. This last note made me wonder if I could be possibly moved to that department. We'll see. Things change so much here, and no one has any definitive answers, so it's just best to hold on to the boat rails.

A note on verbal: technically, this word refers to spoken and written words. "Oral" is the correct, specific term to mean spoken words. Should I correct him? Haha.

A comparison to my last brainwashing place:
This was so informal. It was a Word document with paragraphs he had written. No form like my last place. Also, in the past, I was given a chance to read the review prior to the meeting, so that it went faster and so I could ask any questions. Also, previously I would sign the form and acknowledge the review, and had an opportunity to write comments. Not this time. This is it.

Next week:
Compensation! (I.e.: raise and bonus!)

Labels: performance review